Photo credit: Rodrigo Parades
Dating at any phase of life is equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking.
Dating after divorce can feel downright complicated.
The good news? It doesn’t have to be.
Here are our tips to dating after divorce without gaining too many new grey hairs!
Be ready
Before you start dating after divorce, ensure that you have sorted through the complications of your divorce and put any problems to rest. The amount of time this takes will vary person to person. It will depend upon whether your divorce was a tumultuous or an amicable one; whether or not you saw the divorce coming; whether children are involved. There is no “right” or “wrong” length of time to wait before dating after divorce. It is all about reaching a point where you have accepted the past and are ready to forge a new future.
Decide what you want from dating after divorce
Even though dating after divorce is a big step, the thought process can’t quite stop there. When you get back on the dating train, make sure you have a clear idea of exactly what you are looking for. Are you seeking a long-term partner, or a more casual relationship? Do you want commitment, or are you just after some fun for now? Recognising your motivations for dating again will ensure that you don’t find yourself in a situation that clashes with your intentions.
Take it slow
After making the decision to start dating after divorce, you may want to dive head first into any opportunity to get out there and meet new people – and that’s great! But for some, dating isn’t so easy. In fact, it’s downright awkward.
You may feel out of practise, and might hear yourself deliver a silly anecdote or dad-joke and immediately want to gobble it back into your mouth. It’s true that not every first date will lead to a second, nor will every date go well. But don’t take it personally if things don’t pan out in the beginning. Even teenagers have good and bad dates – it’s all part of the dating game!
Make yourself comfortable and confident
If you have arranged a date, make sure that you are happy with yourself and confident in your own skin. After all, you’re quite a package!
Little things like donning a new dress or having a belly laugh on the phone to a friend just before meeting your date can give you the positive energy you need to flaunt your best self and have fun!
Don’t be ashamed of divorce
While over-sharing about your divorce isn’t a good way to approach a date, it is important that you are open and honest about past relationships. Almost half of Australian marriages now end in divorce, so you’re certainly not alone! For most people, divorce isn’t a deal-breaker – and frankly, you’re better off without anyone who judges you on your divorce. Be honest about your past when dating after divorce, and make it clear that you are keen to start fresh for your future.
The kids
The pre-existence of kids makes dating after divorce more complex. Not only is your emotional well-being at risk in the dating scene, but also your children’s. Your approach to dating will be dependent upon your children’s age and their attitude toward your divorce.
Especially when your kids are young, it is wise not to introduce a new partner to them until you have made a strong commitment to each other. Children can easily get attached, so any break up may feel like their parent’s divorce all over again. As for teenagers, it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Teens are intuitive, and can often guess that you have started dating again. While you don’t need to share intimate details of who, what, when, where and how, it is a good idea to keep your teen in the loop.
Parents without partners is a valuable resource for single parents from all walks of life. They can help you to navigate the ups and downs of dating after divorce.
