Welcome back!
Becoming a parent rates as one of the most significant life changing events anyone can experience. No matter how prepared you think you are, you can never truly be ready for the curveballs that parenthood throws at you. The unexpected excretions of bodily fluids, the nappy changes, the late nights, the early mornings, the long days, the early mornings, the long days…wait…let’s just say the sleep deprivation in general, and leave it at that!
Even after your child is potty trained and can keep an entire meal (mostly) off their shirt, there are still hurdles to clear. Parenting isn’t just the most important job you will ever have – it is also hardest. And even though we have heard a million times over that there is no right or wrong way to parent, we are inevitably bombarded with one million and one messages telling us otherwise.
In this blog, we want to break down three main stigmas that create parenting barriers: post and antenatal depression, stay-at-home vs working parents and parenting alone.
Post and antenatal depression
For a long time, post and antenatal depression were written off as “feminine maladies” and trivialised as hysterical conditions. However, post and antenatal depression are real physical conditions that can have massive effects on a parent’s wellbeing. Although understanding and acceptance of post and antenatal depression are growing, the continual use of “the baby blues” still undercuts the severity and legitimacy of the condition. Many sufferers feel ashamed of their depression after the birth of their little bundle of joy. But you are not selfish, and you are not alone. In fact, a little known fact about post and antenatal depression is that they can be experienced by either parent.
If you or your partner is struggling emotionally before or after pregnancy, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
PANDA is an organisation dedicated to helping men and women through perinatal depression.
Stay-at-home vs working parents
Traditionally, women were required to stay in the home with their child after birth, while men went into the workforce and brought home the dough. However, the modern realisation that this structure isn’t so nifty for a lot of families has led to a broader range of situations today. We now have stay at home dads as well as stay at home mums, and families where both parents return to work soon after child birth. Nonetheless, stigmas still exist against placing a child in day care (see Child Care), or against mums who go back to work “too soon” after having a baby. Although we like to think we have moved on, our ideals are in many ways still entrenched in the past.
While it can be tough making decisions about work and child care, in reality there is no right or wrong path to choose. Everyone has different circumstances which may limit their ability to pay for child care; which may make child care a necessity; which may mean that one parent stays at home with the baby; which may mean that both parents go straight back to work. Don’t make the decision that is “right” by society’s standards – make the one that is right for your family.
Parenting alone
Sometimes circumstances don’t turn out as predicted, and you may find yourself tackling parenting alone. Coping as a single parent can be incredibly difficult – not only with respect to income, but also down time and support. You can feel like there is no rock to fall back onto; like you are alone.
What’s worse is that it can be easy to fall into the trap of believing that the upbringing you offer your children is inferior to that which two parents can provide. Remember, if you are parenting solo you have not failed your kids. The quality of a child’s upbringing does not depend on what their family looks like – it relies on the love and care they receive. As long as you love your child unconditionally, they will be okay.
Although being a parent can be challenging, it also makes you appreciate everything that your own parents did for you as you were growing up.
The Clarity Road Team
