Photo Credit: kouk

Coping with miscarriage is a unique experience that can leave you devastated.

There is no way to forget the life you had imagined for you future child, and no way to answer the burning question: Why?

After miscarriage you need to navigate your own emotions, but also be mindful of others’.

This article offers advice for coping with miscarriage personally, communicating with your partner about your mutual loss and handling another pregnancy after miscarriage.

Grieving

Coping with miscarriage will throw you into the grieving process. When the future life of your child is torn away, it can be utterly soul-destroying.

Everyone will experience grief in a different way – no two people are the same. However, grief stemming from a miscarriage can commonly give rise to two reactions: shock and guilt.

Shock

Finding out that you are pregnant is an elating feeling. Even if your pregnancy was unplanned, knowing that you have a child growing inside you is likely to trigger an emotional attachment and loving bond.

As a result, coping with miscarriage can shock you to your very core. While you may experience an initial adrenaline rush which masks your negative feelings, this numbness will soon wear off and you will be hit by the full reality of what has occurred.

You may find yourself feeling disoriented and utterly disengaged from everyday life. That which you previously derived enjoyment from may now seem meaningless, and the things that you used to pour time into may suddenly seem futile.

Shock can make it easy to isolate yourself from the things and the people you love. Although it can be difficult, remember to let others in.

Guilt

When coping with miscarriage, many people automatically blame themselves, and analyse their pregnancy to nit-pick out exactly what went wrong. You may find yourself running through questions like “What if…” or “Could I have done…”

Remember that miscarriage is devastating, but common. What occurred was more than likely out of your control. While it may be frustrating, most of the time you will never find out exactly what the problem was.

Instead, you need to make peace with yourself and try to move on.

Communicating with your partner

Coping with miscarriage can put a tremendous strain on an individual as well as a relationship.

You will both be grieving, but not necessarily in the same way. Respect each other’s need to be alone at some points, but don’t exploit this to run away from the situation. Guilt, blame, denial and shock can all play a part in distancing you from your partner after miscarriage at a time when you need to be able to support each other.

Talk to your partner about your experience. If you can’t find the words, simply hold each other. Don’t let miscarriage drive a rift between you and don’t allow miscarriage to make you fear trying again.

In sayings this, it is important for you and your partner to fully recover – emotionally and physically – before giving pregnancy another shot. You will both need to be in a strong head-space to ensure that your future pregnancy is marked by joy rather than anxiety and hesitation.

What does miscarriage mean for my chances of conceiving in the future?

Miscarriages happens for a variety of reasons at a range of different stages of a pregnancy: miscarrying once doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have difficulties trying to conceive again.

In fact, many women who have multiple miscarriages are still able to have healthy babies without medical assistance or intervention.

In most cases, miscarriage doesn’t mean that your chances of having a child in the future are reduced. If you have any concerns while coping with miscarriage, speak to your doctor. They are ultimately the only person who can tell you either way.

I’m pregnant again

After coping with miscarriage, the prospect of a second pregnancy can be daunting. You are inevitably going to experience feelings of fear and apprehension mingled with hope and joy. Your pregnancy will reveal a range of emotions – make sure you are realistic about them and cut yourself some slack.

Don’t beat yourself up about that small moment of dread you had when thinking about your pregnancy and don’t keep your concerns bottled up. By so doing you can make yourself feel isolated at a time when you certainly aren’t alone.

Speaking to others about our fears can immediately help you to appease them and also reassure you that whatever happens, you will make it through.

Support services

The below services are available nationally to support those coping with miscarriage:

• Sands Australia provides parent support and education in the area of miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death. Telephone support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by calling 1300 072 637 (1300 0 sands). Parent supporters understand the grief and confusion you may be experiencing, as they too have had a baby that has died.
• Pregnancy Loss Australia is a national support program for bereaved families who suffer the loss of their baby or babies from miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for feotal abnormality and neo natal loss through our early support program and professional support services.
• Bears of Hope provide leading support and exceptional care for families who experience the loss of their baby.