Family violence is a pattern of abuse by one partner against another and/or their children, and includes pushing, kicking, punching, restraining and sexual abuse. Family violence can also be non-physical, taking the form of domineering behaviour, intimidation, stalking, economic deprivation, confinement or humiliation.
Family violence has a severe impact on a child’s wellbeing, regardless of whether or not they are directly victimised by an abuser.
If you are in a family violence situation and are in
need of urgent assistance, call 000 immediately.
How does family violence affect children?
If you are in a violent relationship, your children are being affected.
While you may feel that you are able to shield your children from a violent parent or partner, kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for. As discreet as you try to be, your child will eventually see or hear something that you wish they hadn’t. Sooner or later, they will become caught in the crossfire.
Exposure to family violence can have a number of adverse effects on children. They may become resentful, they may feel a need to protect you, they may blame themselves, and they are likely feel unsafe in their own home.
These feelings can lead to a number of negative results, including:
- Anxiety and depression
- Illness or physical aches and pains
- Sleep difficulties like nightmares and bed-wetting
- Anger issues
- Immaturity
- Behavioural issues
- Detachment from school work or reduced attendance
- Isolation
- Self-harm
- Substance abuse
- Low self-esteem
Even if a child isn’t a direct victim of the abuser in your home, their exposure to domestic violence will inevitably take a psychological toll.
Speaking to children who are victims of abuse
Abusers don’t always focus their attention on the children in a household – but keep in mind that you may not always be aware of abuse against your children either. Never assume that your kids are safe from a violent or abusive spouse.
If you suspect that your children are being victimised, it is imperative to speak to your kids about it.
This isn’t going to be an easy conversation for anyone involved, but it is important to keep a level head, and to stay calm regardless of how shocked or heartbroken you may feel. Allow your child the time that they need to tell their story, and try to intervene as little as possible. Victims of physical or sexual abuse often feel silenced and belittled – what they need is someone to listen.
After your child has spoken, assure them that they are not to blame for the abuse. Express your concern for their well-being, and let them know how proud you are of the courage they displayed in speaking up. Your child needs to know that you are behind them no matter what.
Protecting your children
Given the impact of family violence on kids, it is essential that you go to whatever lengths necessary to protect your children. Sometimes we can fall into the trap of believing that an intact family is better than a single-parent household. However, a child in a family violence situation never feels safe, and can never relax – they are far better off in a stable home with a single parent than with both parents in a destructive relationship.
If children still live with an abuser, or have regular contact with them, do everything you can remove them from harm’s way – even if this means involving government authorities. You may be reluctant to contact a social worker for fear of being judged as a bad parent or of losing custody of your children.
Always remember that abuse is never the fault of the victim – as long as you are willing to work with social services to keep your kids as safe as possible, they will stay in your care.
Seek the help that you need – your child’s safety and well-being must always be your first priority.
Support and information
Although you may feel isolated and helpless in a family violence situation, you are not alone. Help is out there – don’t be afraid to ask.
The police can prosecute the offender and arrange for a Family Violence Order to be taken out against your abuser.
For further information about the legalities of domestic and family violence, visit The Family Law Court‘s website. This site provides thorough information covering child abuse allegations, personal safety and the family law act.
The Australian government offers a Crisis Payment and other assistance to domestic violence victims.
You can also contact a government social worker who can confidentially assess your situation and advise relevant support services.
To speak to an experienced counsellor about your situation, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or the National Sexual Assault, Family and Domestic Violence Counselling Service on 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
Both Lifeline and RESPECT are free, confidential services available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
For more information on escaping family violence, click here.