Losing a parent is a life changing event that we all know is coming eventually, but that none of us can be truly prepared for.
Even if you didn’t see eye to eye, a world without your parents feels unreal.
This article details what to expect when grieving the loss of a parent, as well as some methods of managing your bereavement process.
Allow yourself to grieve
The passing of a parent will have a profound emotional impact on you, regardless of your relationship.
If you were close to your parent, you will mourn the connection lost. If you had your differences, you will feel grief for what might have been.
Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling or not feeling a certain way. Don’t try to bury or resist your emotions. Instead, recognise the significance of what has taken place, and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to. As painful as grief can be, taking the time to acknowledge your feelings is the only way to accept your present and to move on.
Focus on the family
Parents play a vital role in the family structure. Without them, your family life may be tainted by uncertainty. Together with your loved ones, you will need to establish new family traditions and work to fill the hole left behind. This process takes time, and will inevitably come with its bumps in the road. You may be given a responsibility that you don’t feel ready for, or experience tension between loved ones who are struggling to adapt. Be patient and supportive of those around you, and commit to keeping your family healthy and happy. Make this experience one that brings you closer together, rather than ripping you apart.
Manage your workload
When a parent dies, it usually falls to their immediate family to plan the funeral and take care of their estate.
This responsibility can add a near unbearable burden to the emotional weight you are already carrying. Although you may feel as though you have to do it all, make sure you don’t overextend yourself. Allocate tasks among your family, allow the funeral director to organise the basics and call on close friends to take care of school pickups and meals for the week. Those around you will be ready and willing to help out – make sure you let them.
Cherish your memories
One of the scariest parts of losing a loved one is the fear of forgetting. We worry that as time goes by, we won’t remember our parent’s smile, their favourite song or the last conversation we had with them. Immortalise your parents by recording your favourite memories in a journal, videoing yourself speaking about them or grouping their photos in an album. Although some details may slip away over time, you will never forget them.
Plan for important dates
After you lose a parent, events like birthdays or anniversaries can trigger the re-emergence of grief. To combat this sadness, you may find it useful to plan an activity for special days. Visit their favourite restaurant or have family over for a drink. Celebrating your lost parent will assure you that they are gone but not forgotten, and remind you of the love you still have in your life.
Create a new support network
For many of us, our parents are the people we rely on when the going gets tough. With them gone, it is easy to feel lost. Now more than ever, it is important that you reach out and surround yourself with the support you need. Lean on family and friends, and don’t be afraid to let it all out. Although your parents can never be replaced, the people who love you will do their best pick up the pieces when you fall apart. You are not alone.
Seek professional help
Although friends and family can provide a solid support network, sometimes this simply isn’t enough. You may feel isolated, or think that you need to keep it together for the sake of those around you. If you are in need of support, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Have a chat with a counsellor at Lifeline or beyondblue, or find a professional in your area through Lifeline’s service finder.
