Separation and divorce are characterised by change. You and your ex need to adjust to living apart. You need to navigate parenting arrangements. You have to get used to functioning alone.

In the midst of all this mayhem, life after divorce can become difficult to envision.

But sooner or later, the dust will settle and life will fall back into an (albeit frantic) rhythm. This article is all about adjustments you will need to make in life after divorce.

Taking on different roles

In a marriage, it is natural for a couple to fall into certain roles. You may have managed the finances and the kids, while your partner took care of the groceries and the cars. When you have lived by these specialisations for so long, picking up your ex’s responsibilities can prove a tough task.

Servicing the car or knowing which tissues your daughter isn’t allergic to can be like attempting to read a foreign language. Trying to squeeze four more jobs into the day can feel simply impossible. Pretty quickly, taking on new roles can lead to anger, frustration and a feeling of hopelessness.

Rather than a burden, try to view your new roles as a challenge. Working outside your comfort zone gives you a chance to take on new skills – and to feel that overwhelming sense of accomplishment when you get it right.

Hells yes I put that chair together! 

In this process of taking on new roles, there are inevitably going to be some mishaps. You might find out the hard way that gardening isn’t your thing, and decide that the mowing is best left to the guy down the street who charges $20. Who really wants to chop grass, anyhow?

Don’t let these small setbacks keep you down. View your extra role as an opportunity for growth.

Addressing stagnation

Your divorce may have been coming for a long time. Your court case dragged on forever. Your custody hearing might have lasted longer than the marriage itself.

Throughout the whole ordeal, we tell ourselves that once it’s over, life will be more fulfilling.

There will be time for friends and kids and dancing and cocktails when this relationship is over for good!

But once the formalities are finalised, many people find that nothing really changes at all. There are still bills that need paying. There are still groceries that need buying. There still feels like there is no time in the day for friends or kids or dancing. And only one cocktail! Rather than liberation, many women can experience a feeling of stagnation.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

You can’t sit back and wait for happiness to come to you in life after divorce – get out there and grab it with both hands. Join a women’s support group, enroll that cooking class or simply find some more time for yourself. Don’t expect the life you want to come to you. Take steps toward positive change, today.

Knowing how to talk to your ex

An obvious hurdle associated with life after divorce is learning how to navigate your new relationship with your ex. In some ways,  a high conflict divorce can make life easier in this respect – there is no chance that you will be remaining friends once all is said and done!

But in an amicable divorce, deciding whether or not to stay friends is wrapped up in a plethora of complicating factors.

Before having a discussion with your ex you will need to examine your own feelings. Figure out whether you see a friendship working between you, and across what time frame. If being friends initially is too much to comprehend in the short term, don’t completely cut ties. Agree on a monthly text message, a weekly email or a letter that you will send once you are ready to speak again.

Even though a friendship may not be feasible right now, space and time will ultimately be good for each of you.

Coping with odd reminders

Regardless of how satisfied you are with your divorce, you will inevitably confront moments of mourning for your lost marriage – often when you least expect it.

A reminder notice for the dentist could address you by your married name. An old friend might ask after your ex-spouse unaware that you have broken up.

These situations have the potential to make you feel bitterness, anger and even regret. Don’t be afraid of these emotions. Although you have moved on from your life changing event, it is human nature to reflect and feel sadness.

Rather than allowing these feelings to overcome you, move on in spite of them. Surround yourself with the people you love and make time to appreciate what you have.

As hard as divorce can be, affirming the support network around you will ultimately remind you of all of the reasons to feel happy in your new life.