Photo credit: Stefan Beutler

Just as warped standards of beauty affect women, the archetype of the stoic, silent male negatively influences men.

Put simply, men and emotion don’t always mix.

This can become especially hazardous given the emotional turmoil that is created by a life changing event.

To all the fellas, here are out tips on dealing with and expressing emotion. 

Unhealthy coping mechanisms

Men often view themselves as the foundation of the family unit. As a result, many men bottle up their feelings and choose to cope on their own. This suppression of emotions can have some significant repercussions on an individual’s wellbeing, leading to isolation and reckless behavioural patterns.

Isolation

When you are feeling particularly upset or emotional you may find it difficult to be around others, and as a result may withdraw from your family and friends. This avoidance can put a significant strain on your relationships, and may accentuate the feeling of aloneness and vulnerability that you are likely already experiencing. While avoiding social situations may seem like a good idea, it can often cause more harm than good.

Reckless behaviour

This behaviour may take the form of something simple, like having an extra drink or two the night before work. However, it can also refer to more dangerous habits like taking unnecessary risks or behaving violently toward the people you love. If you notice that your fuse is shorter than usual, or that you are relying on alcohol, cigarettes, comfort food or other unhealthy habits, it may be time to reassess your method of coping.

How to deal with emotion

Be aware of your body

Emotions and feelings can have a greater effect on the human body than we sometimes like to believe. You may notice a tightening sensation in your throat when you are feeling overwhelmed, or butterflies in your stomach when you are nervous. Unexplained muscle soreness may also be a sign of stress or anxiety – when you are stressed you tense your muscles, working them harder and giving them less opportunity to rest and recover. 

Think about the causes of your emotions

Once you have recognised the physical manifestations of your feelings, it is useful to track down their source. Do you constantly feel anxious at work? Are you sad every time you see a picture of your ex-partner? Recognising triggers to your emotions will give you a better understanding of why you are feeling, not just what you are feeling.

Talk to someone

While speaking to someone about your feelings can be confronting, it is also necessary for you to let those emotions go. Pick a safe person in your life who you feel comfortable talking to. You don’t have to bare your soul to that person – even admitting that you are feeling “a little” scared or “a little” afraid will allow you to let someone in. Doing so will lift a weight off your chest, and will make it easier for you to express yourself in the future.

If you aren’t ready to speak to a friend or family member about your feelings, services like MensLine Australia, beyondblue and Lifeline have phone lines run by experienced counsellors who you can ring and speak to 24/7.

Getting in touch with your emotional side is a gradual process – it’s okay to take it slow.