Truth bomb – most couples will experience relationship problems.
There will be times when you become too entrenched in a routine. There will be days when you will be frustrated. There will be moments when you just need to talk it out.
While relationship problems are easy to identify, relationship problems are difficult to talk about.
This feeling will pass, right?
Temporarily, maybe.
But left unvoiced, most relationship problems will resurface, often more acutely.
For the health of your relationship, it is essential to talk it out – no matter how much you don’t want to!
Here are our tips for talking about relationship problems with your partner.
Treat your partner as you would like them to treat you
When speaking about relationship problems, consider how you would best take the talk if your roles were reversed. Be considerate in your tone of voice, your timing and the setting in which you speak.
Don’t bring up a tough topic in front of friends, and avoid initiating a sticky conversation just prior to a social occasion or major event.
You want this conversation to be productive rather than destructive. By putting yourself in your partner’s shoes you will be able to determine how to achieve this result.
Keep relationship problems between you
Don’t involve the opinions of others when talking about relationship problems – especially if your issues involve intimacy. In some situations you may have spoken to a trusted friend before approaching a heart to heart with your significant other.
However, trying to support your point of view by saying that your friend agrees will make your partner feel betrayed. This could quickly make your discussion deteriorate into a fight!
Determine the desired result
If you bring up relationship problems with your partner, try to envision a solution. Do you want your partner to help out more around the house? To be more considerate of your needs? To put aside some one-on-one time with the kids?
Establishing a desired outcome will make talking about relationship problems easier. It will also give your significant other a concrete understanding of how to fix the issue.
Acknowledge your own faults
Rarely are relationship problems the result of a single person’s actions. This needs to be acknowledged while you are speaking to your partner. Maybe you are guilty, along with your partner, of not putting away enough couple time. Maybe you have been denying their intimate advances out of frustration with being stuck with the dishes AGAIN.
Speaking honestly about the role that both of you play will assure your partner that you are in this thing together and prevent them from feeling under attack.
Communicate your feelings
The ones you love are more likely to take steps toward changing relationship problems if they understand how it affects you. Be honest with your partner about how issues are impacting your wellbeing. Tell them that you feel exhausted by keeping the kids entertained or that putting dinner on every Sunday for the in-laws makes the weekend feel like work as well.
Be mindful of your phrasing by turning statements like “You don’t appreciate the work I do” into “I feel underappreciated”. This will signpost to your partner that you are not out to attack them and open your partner to your perspective.
Talking about relationship problems is never easy, but you will ultimately be better in the long run for it!
The Clarity Road Team
