Life changing events are likely to rip the rug out from underneath you.
They pluck you out of your groove mid-stride and dump you back at square one.
Once back at the beginning we are all guilty of asking, what do I do now?
Starting over again is an overwhelming prospect.
You may be financially troubled; you may find yourself separated from your loved ones; you may feel utterly deceived and defeated; or you may experience all three. It can be a struggle to function day-to-day, let alone understand what you want to do in the future.
And hey, let’s not underestimate the small victories we have! Getting out of bed each morning – a victory. Getting the kids ready for school – a victory. Getting the kids read for school on time – a huge victory!
But there comes a point when we need to stop merely functioning, and begin living. Starting over is about more than scraping by. It’s about finding satisfaction, and being happy.
If you feel like you are in need of a new direction when starting over, there are three steps that you can take to lead you down a better path.
1) Look back
When you are starting over, your life isn’t necessarily a blank canvas. You could have kids to care for, a job to go back to or a family member who needs support. Although you may want to sever ties with your past completely, there is always something that will link to those events.
Instead of being frustrated by this link, view it as a learning curve. Think about what you do and don’t want to change when starting over. This will allow you to get some perspective. Rather than thinking in terms of what you have lost, think of what you can gain.
2) Look inside yourself
Once you have identified areas for improvement, it is time to do some serious soul searching. “Yeah, right, in all of my spare time,” you might be thinking – but this is something that we need to make time for!
This stage is all about sorting out what goals you want to tackle when starting over. Are you itching for a career change? Is there a hobby your wish to pursue? Do you want to have more of a social life?
Your flash of inspiration may be more of a flicker…or a might not happen at all. And that’s okay! Never underestimate the powers of a Google search. Typing in something simple like “hobby ideas for single mums” or “careers in the arts” will pull up thousands of results for you to sift through. You will eventually find your needle in the hay stack!
For Julie, starting over entailed dreaming up Clarity Road. Although she didn’t know exactly what form her support network would take initially, she began carrying around a notebook in which to scrawl down ideas.
Remember that reinventing yourself doesn’t necessarily mean huge changes. It might just take a reorganisation of the house and a new pair of jeans to have you feeling fun and fabulous! Whatever it is, make sure you take time to ensure that you are starting over on your own terms.
3) Look forward
At phase three, it’s time to get active and dive in head first! Take some positive steps toward achieving your starting over goal. Figure out the logistics of starting your own mother’s group, re-write your resume so you can apply for that job, join a volunteer organisation, or bite the bullet and go for that short haircut!
There is no specific timeline by which you will be able to complete these steps – heck, it’s taken Julie years to 1) decide that she wanted to help others in her situation 2) dream up Clarity Road and 3) make Clarity Road a reality.
Starting over again needs to be done at your own pace. But it also means you need to take the first step.
Good luck!
The Clarity Road Team
