Your wedding is built up as the biggest moment of your life, topped only by the birth of your children and pavlova at Christmas time (seriously, pav is the best).
When your big day arrives, you get to announce your love to the world and enter marital bliss. Only to realise that it’s not at all like you thought it would be.
What can you really expect after getting married?
Aside from the burping, sharing of toothbrushes and purchase of a proper couch? See below.
The post-wedding day blues
Prior to your wedding, there is usually a huge amount of excitement and anticipation. Everyone is checking in on you, posting Facebook updates and sending their congratulations for your match.
After all the anticipation before getting married, returning to life as usual can leave you feeling utterly deflated. The thrill of planning your big day is gone, replaced by concerns about bills, work and the other elements of everyday life.
As a result, many newlyweds find themselves down in the dumps in their first month of “real-life”, and can even second guess whether married life is right for them. Remember that if you are feeling dejected, you are not alone – returning to normality after getting married can be a difficult adjustment! With time, you will settle into your marriage and gain some perspective on your relationship to see that the simple life isn’t all that bad after all.
Greater personal responsibility
After getting married, you assume responsibility for your spouse, for life. You will be the first person they call when they hear bad news. You will become their comforter, comedian, listener, care-taker or doctor. Every decision you make will impact them, as every choice they make will affect you. Through committing to your partner in marriage, you make a vow to be there for that person no matter what – a responsibility you will need to stick to.
Greater financial responsibility
Even though most couples live together prior to marriage, an increasing number don’t combine their finances until after they have tied the knot. Pooling your money is a logical decision when it comes to earning interest and paying your mortgage, but can also cause unrest initially after marriage. Most of us will continue with our regular spending habits as if the money we are spending is all our own. And while you may be fine with spending an extra $200 at Ikea than initially planned, your partner may not have the same opinion. If your partner feels that you haven’t consulted them about a purchase that they view as frivolous, they may (justifiably) become upset that the money they have earned went toward that item.
To avoid conflict over shared finances after getting married, it is important to communicate with your spouse about every big purchase you make. Take small steps like limiting the money allocated toward valentines and birthday gifts. Setting a maximum for your spending and talking about money will make negotiating the complications of shared finances a breeze!
There are countless budgeting tools out there that help you manage your money. Pocketbook and this tool by the Australian Securities and Investment Commission (ASIC) are two of our favourites.
Less individuality and more teamwork
After getting married, you and your partner enter into a shared life together. Instead of being two different people who are dating, you will become known as the Smith’s or the Brown’s – you will become one. For many, this unity is refreshing and exciting: an expression of the emotional bond you share with your spouse. But sometimes functioning as a unit can also make you feel like yourself.
To avoid this feeling of drowning in your marriage, try keeping one activity each as a “spouse free zone”. You might like to join a sports team or a book club, or just meet up with friends for dinner and drinks weekly. By giving yourself some “you” time after getting married, you will be able to maintain a sense of you own individuality and be comfortable sharing your life.
Don’t be afraid to do things differently
Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you have to play by the rules that fairytales and TV shows give us about married life. Hamish Blake and Zoe Foster live in different cities; Tim Burton and Helen Bonham Carter live in adjacent houses. Don’t be afraid to break tradition in whatever way works for you to make your marriage a success.
The Clarity Road Team
