When you first met, you and your partner were madly in love. But over time, perhaps inexplicably, things have changed.
You may constantly fight over nothing. You may be endlessly frustrated by your partner’s presence. You may simply be growing apart.
Although we can all agree that every relationship requires work, this doesn’t make relationship counselling an easy decision. Admitting to a stranger that you need help is daunting. For some, it can feel like failure.
In spite of these reservations, relationship counselling is also one of the most effective ways to reignite your passion, or to resolve your relationship amicably.
When your relationship is on the rocks, it is at least worth a try.
So, what can you expect from relationship counselling? We’ll do our best to break it down.
Understand the role of your counsellor
Most couples seek relationship counselling in an attempt to resolve interpersonal issues and to find a way of reigniting the spark.
And although your counsellor will do their best to facilitate this possibility, their ultimate goal isn’t necessarily the same. Instead, they are there to help you and your partner to communicate clearly and reach your own conclusions – whatever they may be.
Don’t expect your counsellor to tell you whether or not you should separate. Don’t expect them to take sides. Your counsellor is there to help you to understand each other and ultimately to decide what you want.
Expect awkward moments
Talking about your problems is never fun – especially when those issues relate to another person.
Who is sitting in the room.
Right next to you.
The complexity of feelings involved in relationship counselling inevitably produce some awkward moments.
You may reveal a personal secret that your partner never knew. Your partner could say something that hits too close to home.
You may sit in silence for the majority of the session. You could erupt into a yelling match that leaves your throat sore the next day.
Whatever happens between you and your partner, know that it’s okay. Your counsellor isn’t there to judge you – and they have definitely seen it all before.
Always remember that a bit of discomfort in the short term is better than unbreakable unhappiness into the future.
Be ready for homework
For counselling to work, it is not enough for you and your partner to sit in a room for an hour and then return to life as per usual. It will require an investment of time and effort into making things better. As your sessions progress, your counsellor will encourage certain behaviours, like 15 minutes a day of honest communication or turning off technology after 8pm.
Keep an open mind to these suggestions and and least give it a shot. After all, what do you have to lose?
Take your time
Sometimes all you and your partner need is a gentle push to fall back in love. Other times, it may take months of counselling before you begin to see changes.
This waiting game can become tedious, and you might feel like throwing in the towel. It shouldn’t have to be this hard, right?
Remember that every relationship operates in a different way. Everyone brings their own quirks and challenges to the table. You have every right to walk away if you are unhappy – just be sure that you have done all you can in the present to make it work.
It’s not always about staying together…
Regardless of how much counselling your receive, sometimes there is nothing worth saving. You may come to realise that it’s best for both of you to move on.
This doesn’t mean that relationship counselling has been a waste of time. In fact, relationship counselling can be priceless if it allows you to resolve your problems amicably and progress without bitterness.
Not to mention avoiding a sticky legal battle after separation!
For more information…
Relationships Australia offer a range of counselling and mediation services for couples in crisis.
Your local GP can also connect you with a suitable counselling service in your area.
