Photo credit: Nima Badiey
Jess here! I thought I would take over from Julie today, because honestly, I have something that I need to get off my chest. I approached this week with the confidence of a hare racing a tortoise. Reading glasses on, coffee in hand, I sat down to work today. And, I can confidently say, with no exaggeration and complete honesty, nothing has gone right. I’m six hours into my eight hour day, and I feel like I’ve accomplished next to nothing. Twitter won’t behave. WordPress is my enemy. My emails won’t open. And don’t even start me on workshop planning.
Put simply, today I feel like failure.
How has this failure impacted my approach to work, you ask? Well, suddenly I’m feeling frustrated by my new role. Suddenly I’m doubting my work. Doubting myself full stop. I know that this feeling will pass. I’ll go home and scoff a chicken kiev, get an early night and face work with renewed vigor tomorrow morning. But I also know that if this day went any longer, Julie would need to confine me to a padded room.
Why? Because the bigger the failure, the harder it is to bounce back.
After all that, it probably comes as no surprise that this post is half for your benefit, and half for my own. So, let’s discuss how to bounce back from failure.
Get a reality check
You stuffed up. Maybe you stuffed up big time. But you know what else? What’s done is done. There is no way to go back in time and change what happened. That project, that relationship, that comment. It’s all in the past. There’s no point obsessing over what you could have done differently or how that failure might effect your future. Why not make every moment you have in front of you count instead? Don’t let a single failure override the pride you feel in your other successes. Your failure doesn’t define your life, nor does it define you. Stop living as though it does.
Be honest – with yourself and others
Coping with failure also means accepting responsibility. Sometimes this means having a tough conversation with a loved one. Other times it means taking criticism from your boss. Whatever the consequences, it is important to take ownership of your failures as well as your successes. Why? Because everyone has highs and lows. It is how we carry ourselves in the face of failure – not success – that ultimately determines our integrity.
Turn failure into a learning experience
Don’t view your failure as an utter waste of time, resources and energy. Instead, try to see it as a lesson – albeit one learnt the hard way. You may now understand the value of teamwork, of honesty in a relationship, of quadruple checking your calculations or getting a pre-purchase inspection before buying a used car. Regardless of your situation, there is always something that you can take from an experience. Think critically. Google relentlessly. Find meaning in your failure.
Forget about what others are thinking
We are all conscious of judgement. We all want to be liked by others. It comes as no surprise, then, that failure is usually accompanied by overwhelming shame. After a big failure we worry that people will think less of us. We have heart palpitations whenever we think about the shock/disappointment/glee with which certain people will greet the news of our stuff-up. So much so that we blow the issue completely out of proportion. Stop catastrophising and start thinking clearly. People can surprise you, and friends can be awfully forgiving. Failure is simply part of what makes us human. In all likelihood, the person in question has already forgotten about your news and is deciding what to have for dinner. You can’t control another’s thoughts anyway. Stop trying to.
Release your anger and disappointment
You are allowed to be disappointed after failure. You are allowed to feel angry and frustrated and contemplate what you could have done differently. But only for so long. Sooner or later you need to accept that you can’t change the events of the past. Why bother wasting your energy on that you can’t control? Take off your grumpy hat and put on your rose coloured glasses. Try to see the positives – and heck, even the humour – in your situation. Who’da thunk you could be over-qualified for a job? Or under-prepared for a surprise exam? By so doing, you will put your failure in perspective and make moving on a piece of cake.
Combat fear
Failure can sap you of energy and motivation. It can also leave you terrified of trying again. Look what happened last time. Living in fear of failure may give you safety and security in the short term. But it also means sacrificing the chance to succeed in the long term. You can’t stop yourself from being afraid, but you can take action in spite of it. Step up to the plate and remove yourself from your comfort zone. Regroup and go at it again – harder than ever. After all, what victory is sweeter than one against the odds? Now, to practice what I preach… Jess
