Photo Credit: Lulu Hoeller
We’ll state the obvious: being taken advantage of sucks.
It makes you feel disrespected. It makes you feel frustrated. It makes you feel angry. You know what’s going on, but can’t seem to do anything about it.
Or can you?
This post is all about recognising when you are being treated like a doormat and refusing to allow others to take advantage of you anymore.
Why? Because you deserve better.
Signs that you are being taken advantage of
1) You are being steamrolled
Your input at work is immediately cast aside.
Your partner ignores your movie choice and picks something else.
Your friends interrupt and take over your stories before you have a chance to tell them.
In essence, it feels like you are constantly being ignored or devalued in important parts of your life.
2) You are the only one who takes responsibility
People in your life seem to always vanish when it’s time to follow through, leaving you with an extra large workload and less time for yourself.
Maybe you and a friend committed to running a fundraiser together, but they haven’t lifted a finger since the brainstorm phase.
Maybe you and your partner adopted a dog a few months ago, but they haven’t taken it for a walk since day 1.
This vanishing act feels like an injustice – it clearly isn’t what you signed up for. Rather than being part of a team, you are left to cover the work of two people on your own.
3) You are always working harder
Everyone is busy.
But somehow you always seem to be the person held back in the office for 30 minutes at the end of the day. You are always the one on your feet for an extra hour before finally sitting down at night. You are always the one to organise the groups present for a friend’s birthday, or to be the shoulder to cry on when a loved one has a bad day. You are always the one in charge of it all.
While it’s a rewarding part of life to do these things sometimes, being in control all the time is exhausting. It feels like you do all of the background work and the planning – everyone else just has to worry about turning up on time. And some still can’t get that right!
You need a break. You long for the day when someone would do for you what you do for them. You wish that once, just once, someone else would take the reins.
How to stop being taken advantage of
Did any (or all) of the above ring true? Well, enough is enough. It’s time to stop accepting the way that others treat you and to put your foot down.
When you are being exploited, you feel like crap. You know that the other person is treating you unfairly. You can feel resentment and anger rising in you and taking control. This frustration is severely damaging to your sense of well-being – don’t sacrifice your own happiness any longer.
1) Put your foot down
Confronting someone who is exploiting your good nature can be intimidating – especially when they are in a position of power.
But regardless of how stressful this conversation may be, it is usually less painful that spending the next week dwelling on their exploitation.
Be honest about your inability to complete that job. Speak up about the unfair amount of housework that you are taking on. Tell your friends that you won’t be their emotional punching bag anymore.
Remember that there is a difference between a fight and conflict resolution. Standing up for yourself will help you to regain equality in your relationship and put your resentment to bed.
If the other person reacts with hostility, it is a sign that they are more worried about saving face than considering your feelings. Perhaps you are better off without them.
However it plays out, putting your foot down will allow you to speak your mind and feel a renewed sense of power. You won’t give up your life for someone (or everyone) else anymore.
2) Pick your battles
Be careful not to take your frustration out on the wrong person.
You may have had a bad day at work and kept your anger in. But you lose your composer when you finally get home and your partner hasn’t touched the washing.
Even if your anger about the washing is justified, overreacting by bringing work issues into the equation will mean that you lose the impact of your message. You may even be the one who winds up apologising later.
Pick your battles when you put your foot down. Direct your words toward the person who needs to hear them.
3) Recognise that you can be kind to others without doing things for them
Yes, relationships are built on give and take.
No, this doesn’t mean that you have to be constantly doing in order to be a good friend, partner, mother or co-worker.
Something as simple as a smile, a letter or a gesture can let people know that you are there for them. Being honest, showing respect and demonstrating compassion are enough.
