How to Delegate – Ask Us

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Hi Julie,

I need help. I am up to my eyeballs most days…I work part time, I have two kids and I am managing my son’s soccer team…which has turned out to be A LOT more work that I had envisioned at the start. I run around like a headless chook all day and don’t seem to stop moving until near midnight. I know that I need to start delegating. But I don’t know how! I’ve tried talking to my partner about helping me out a bit around the house. He helped for a while, but eventually things went back to the way they were.  None of the parents at soccer seem to be interested in management. I feel like I have more on my plate than anyone. I feel so disheartened. What can I do to delegate? – Janice

Hi Janice,

First thing’s first – good on you for recognising the need to share the load. It takes courage and a real humility to put your hand up and say, “I’m human, I can’t do it all, and that’s okay!”. The tone of your message makes me feel worried for you. You sound like you are burning the candle at both ends: like you are on the brink of burnout.

Janice, it’s vital for you to shift some responsibilities off your plate, fast.

I have three areas for you do address in knowing how to delegate.

1) When it comes to housework, don’t ask for help. Demand equality.

It remains true that housework is usually seen as  “women’s work”. This idea means that many women like yourself perform the bulk of domestic labour – even when you are juggling more responsibility than your partner.

Janice, you and your partner are both adults. You each decided to embark on this whole life journey together. He needs to step up to the plate and put in his fair share. He is not doing you a favour by putting on a load of washing, because the washing isn’t just your job. Rather, he is pulling his weight in the home.

Tell him that these tasks are not yours alone, and that he needs to be more conscious of the impact that his ignorance of housework has on your wellbeing. Grounding your conversation in your feelings will make him see a reason behind the task delegation, and (hopefully) remain aware of domestic work into the future.

2) Be direct

Delegating is about clarity. Dropping hints that would like another parent to take over soccer management may work for or one game. But sooner or later, the job will end up back in your lap.

To delegate effectively, communicate exactly what you want. Speak to your child’s coach about getting another parent on board, and let them know that this isn’t a hypothetical. It needs to happen.

You aren’t a failure for delegating this task, nor are you being an inconvenience. Rather, you have done an incredible job by carrying the responsibility alone for this long.

Finally, make sure you follow through on your request.  If someone offers to assist, don’t feel obliged to turn them down out of politeness.  Accept them – the first time.

3) Delegate the goal – not the method

When you do shift responsibility, make the goal clear. But also ensure that your influence stops there. When you pass on a task, you need to accept that the other person will do it their own way. Your partner might vacuum the house in a different order to you; another parent might have a different way of distributing information. But as long as their process is efficient and the end result is met, the method doesn’t matter. Worrying about “how” will cause you unnecessary stress, and make whoever you delegate to feel suffocated.

Once it’s off your plate, let it go.

With every good wish,

Julie

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