Photo credit: Chocolatarian
Hi Julie,
I am having troubles with my confidence and my self-esteem, and how I view myself and my life. I’m in my late 30’s and feel rotten about my appearance…I’m overweight and uninspired and just don’t like myself very much some days. I feel like I’m an average-at-everything kinda mum who doesn’t have much to get excited by. I don’t like to get out much anymore and I’m starting to give up…I tend to get nervous about social situations. I feel like the person who you don’t want to talk to at a party…but I don’t want to feel this way! What can I do to climb out of this rut?! – Veronica
Hi Veronica,
There are a lot of women out there in a similar position to you. As our bodies change with age and our role in life shifts over time, it can be easy to lose our sense of purpose. You are feeling aimless, you are struggling to redeem your sense of worth…in short you are trapped in a cycle of low self-esteem.
Here’s how to boost your self-esteem and love your life.
Switch your perspective
One of our main sources of self-doubt is comparison to others. Are you looking at your friends and wondering why your life is less thrilling? Why your post-baby body doesn’t look the same?
Improving self-esteem means realising that these comparisons are unhealthy. Everyone has a different story at different times, and different stuff going on behind closed doors. Feeling down because you don’t measure up to someone else’s traits is futile. Chances are there is something about you that they are envious of as well.
Veronica, I want you to turn your attention to the things you like about yourself and your life. Your kids, your work ethic, and who could forget your karaoke skills?!
Everyone is good at something; everyone has admirable qualities. Moving your thoughts from negative comparisons to positive affirmations is key to improving self-esteem.
Out with the old and in with the new
At this moment in time, trying something new sounds like it falls into the “too-hard basket”. Veronica, I view this evasion as the result of a fear of judgement. You don’t like what you see and feel at present, and assume that others won’t like what you have to offer either.
You’ve heard that you are what you eat? I believe that you are what you think is more relevant. Stop putting yourself down and realise that yes, you are worthy! Yes, you are likeable! Yes, you can do this!
Instead of staying in this weekend, get out of the house and try something new. Spicing up your routine will give you the excitement you crave and release much-needed endorphins. Better yet, it may lead you to find a new purpose on which to focus your energy, creating a new lease on life.
Take care of your physical health
I am no clean-eating or exercise junky. Not by any means!
But I do realise that your mental and physical health are connected. Make sure that you are getting some fresh air and eating a balanced diet regularly. Overloading on the bad stuff can make you tired, impact your mood, worsen your physical health and make you feel bad about your decisions later. By taking care of your body you will also be taking care of your mind.
It will take time…
Veronica, improving self-esteem takes hard work and a big dose of patience. Like everyone, you will still experience moments when you aren’t feeling your best. If you start to be impacted by self-doubt, recognise it as a passing phase, rather than a permanent state – and do something to make yourself feel better! Have a laugh with a close friend or step out into the sunshine for 15 minutes. Always remind yourself that there is good to be cherished in life – regardless of how bleak the present moment may feel.
With every good wish,
Julie
